Fa-La-La-La-larious Moments From Holiday Staff Parties

Welcome to a holly-jolly whirlwind of awkward conversations, questionable gift exchanges, and a game of quarters that went TOO FAR! In this episode, we unwrap the chaos of school worker holiday parties. From the great pickle ornament debacle to a Koosh ball brawl, we’re spilling all the spiked punch on the festivities.

Listen as we tackle the awkward art of escaping small talk with "corner-standers," relive the horror of unwrapping a very personal gift, and share why caroling at strangers' homes is just plain weird. Spoiler: it involves a lot of fake smiling and wondering if you're allowed to close the door mid-song.

Whether you're the party planner forced to invent new games (hello, "Acro-Name"), the one-drink wonder who leaves by 8 PM, or the unfortunate soul cornered by Mr. 200 Cat Photos, this episode is for you. Pour some eggnog and join us for laughter, camaraderie, and a few lessons on what not to bring to a Yankee Swap. But if you want to make slippers out of feminine hygiene products, here is a link to get you started:  https://images.app.goo.gl/QAShtmVvD2tnLRxPA

#holidayParties #StaffParties #TheyDontPayMeEnoughForThis, #IGiveUp, #HandsToYourself, #Icebreakers #teacherthreads #officeladies
#WhyDoIBotherDressingUp, #WhatItsAllAbout, #LessonPlan, #BathroomBreak, #DanielsonModel, #TryingToBeNice, #StopTheWorldIWantToGetOff, #WeDidntKnow, #WeDidntKnowWhatWeDidntKnow, #StressedTeacher, #funny,
#NiceTry #StillFail #elementaryHumor, #DoAsISayNotAsIDo , #AForEffort, #IsItSummerYet, #ImHip #CoolTeacher, #WhyIsThisSticky, #ClassPets

Please contact us with comments or questions at podcastwedidntknow@gmail.com.

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Thanks for listening! -Sue and Lisa

#teacherlife #teachersofinstagram #teacher #iteach #teachers #iteachtoo #funnyteacherstories #education #teaching #school #teach #teacherstyle #classroom #teacherretirement #teachertribe #learning #teacherproblems #students #elementaryteacher #primaryteacher #cryingteachers #elementary #thirdgrade #fourthgrade #fifthgrade #cryinginmycar #teacherfunny #ageism #proudtoteach #teachermamas #recessduty

Transcript

Hi, I'm Sue and I'm Lisa.  We are retired teachers who each have taught over 30 years in elementary schools. I started to write a book about all the funny things that happened to me as an educator, but I couldn't give anyone to read it.  so my friend Lisa here, who is also hysterical, decided to share these stories together out loud.

And so was the birth of our podcast.  We didn't know what we didn't know. Sit back and enjoy. 

Woohoo Woo   

 Hey, Lisa. Welcome. We didn't know. We didn't know. This is the podcast where two retired teachers. relive the chaos, comedy and caffeine -fueled survival strategies of teaching. And I'm Sue. You're a resident early bird who is always in the teacher's lounge before the sun came up. 

And I'm Lisa, the night owl who was probably still stapling papers at midnight. Yeah. And slept too late. Together. We've seen it all. Yup. And have lived to tell the tales, in a podcast, it upon. Including the wonderfully weird world of educator holiday party, which were there talk. But 

I think that would be a great, this is a little mini for y'all as your Christmas or Kwanza present. 

Um, you know, Lisa, when I think of holiday teacher parties, I think of. many categories. It's a lot. They're the boring ones where you wish you could stay home. The chaotic ones where HR probably was called. And the rare should have been called. And the rare and glorious ones that you had fun in. So I thought today we could talk about the fun that we had, that was mandatory. Right. The awkwardness. Of having teachers who are never drinking or swearing together.  That going too far, Monday apology. Yeah, 

that happened more than once. And the rare, 

magical parties. 

Yeah. Let's talk about. You know, what's funny about holiday parties is everybody has this. It's kind of bittersweet. 

Yes. You're like, I want to go. And then you go and it's yeah. Boring or I didn't go. And now everybody's telling Monday how great.  So you almost have that FOMO where your fear of missing out leads you to them.  At least I dunno. I don't 

know this about me, but I don't like to stay up late.  

I'm the one drink wonder.  

I hear about all the fun you had, but it was way after I went home. 

A lot of times the parties kept going and going, 

and I was not there, but will, let's start with what we do know. The mandatory games cause  and 

games. Kind of brighten the mood. 

So I was in the party planning committee and we always had to do games. 

So the first one you tell about that one. 

Okay.  One here we had a white elephant exchange. Oh, we get that a 

lot. Yeah, we 

did, but this one particular year was really funny. We had a, person that worked  at our school. And he had gotten this green pickle and I think there's some significant. And ornament from west Germany. Yeah, Germany. So excited. Yeah. 

to get this pickle, but people kept taking the pickle from him. And as the night went on, he got, or the game went on, he got ornery or. And angrier like. I want that pickle. He was very, he was getting really, really upset. So it became then a game for us. How can we keep him from getting the pickle? 

And we can say 

his. 

His last name was ripple. Ripple, the pickle. Well, I keep the pickle from the Ripple. And , we all are purposely taking the pickle from him.. Because you have 

taking it back because 

we were playing Yankee Swap 

he was so 

angry and very vocal about it. Yeah. So  at the very end. Yes. 

He didn't get the.  He ended up with the last gift to go get.  Great 

gift.  

And , you can see the room kind of like, why did he get everybody pause, waiting? As he unwrapped it and. There was a pair of slippers. Yeah, but the slippers were beautifully made out of maxi pads. and tampons feminine 

hygiene products. 

They were beautiful. 

He got, he got up. And left. 

He left.  He 

just got up so angry. He was so angry. He couldn't even talk. And he left. 

I will see the party planning committee did buy him a pickle ornament. It was an ornament by the way. And you're supposed to find it on the train in blah, blah, blah.  They really buy him one. Yes. 

You didn't know that. I went, I went to the store and bought him a pickup,  in our show notes, we have the directions to how to make. The maxi pads, tampons. Really cool. They. They are really cool. Yeah. , we used to have a lot of these like called Yankee swap games. 

So you'd bring a white elephant or something that was like under $10 and then the swapping would happen and you have a staff of 70 people. And once you got swapped with, then you could swap and you. So we have this one and we talked about this fight. It lasted for at least a decade and it was a Koosh ball. 

Remember Koosh ball. Yes. So our school counselor at the time, Mike, Troy, he was fantastic. He brought Koosh ball and everybody wanted it. And people were just, they were, it was, it was, uh, it was a ripple situation.  

Why happened with Koosh ball? I didn't get it. And I am angry 

 you never know what people want. I mean people would buy, if you have a $10 limit. Or $5, probably $5 back then. And  some people just do not understand. Yeah, quality buying. Like you can buy something on sale. So the Koosh balls. We were fighting. Yeah. 



So another game, we played a lot with called the acronym game.

I think we only did the acronym acronym game. Oh, acronym. Acro-Name!. It's called Acro-Name. You put your name on a note card. Yeah. And then you put an acronym down of something you wanted. 

Like a Caribbean vacation or so. So that would 

be CV. And I had put L H cause I chopped my hair off and I wanted. Why the long hair and it was dumb, but people would think of gifts that had the same. Letters. Yeah, those initials and I got really nice things that year. 



Yeah, well, like one person. some people they're. So straight-laced at work.  And we've told a story before about this person and her, um, the beaver story. If you. Oh Yeah. The beaver story. Yeah. Very straight laced, kind of sweetest woman in the world. And one of our friends had put down that she wanted, uh, M V, M as 

in Mellon and V as 

in like 

vacation, like we're thinking maybe a Mexican vacation. That's gotta be. 

So she went around and she opened her gift , and you don't know  who gave it to you then that person's supposed to say.  

And she opened it up and, you know, teachers. Yeah. I mean,  yeah. Yeah. I think there's a little straight lace, but yeah, we can cut loose a little bit. 

Yeah, I have seen you. So what is. 

, she opened it up and it was a vibrator and it was. Massive. Vibrator.  But then our friend couldn't figure it out who would have given it to her. 

And it ended up being. The beaver lady the beaver lady, which shocked us.  

I was shocked. Yeah, well, I think some people really went crazy. . Our next topic 

vibrator 

 was it used?.  

How much is a vibrator Lisa,  everybody would want that with the green pickle. Lisa. How much is a vibrator.  

 Apparently, I don't know. Well, I don't need one. No 

shopping later, 

I don't need. Fun honey.  I'm saying. Maybe you have to respect the dollar amount, respect the dollar amount because otherwise you're getting. 

Like a new  

oh. So that that's really what's awkward and that leads us to the next, the next topic I want. Awkwardness 

awkwardness. You know, you go to these parties and, you always have those people that want to avoid. Oh, yes, indeed. Bob.  

The corner standers and, you know, You walk in and you're like, don't make eye contact. And at some point of the night you make eye contact. and they come running over. And you're trying to be polite, but you can't get away. And,  one time this guys. Started talking to me. 

And then he started showing me all his, probably 200 pictures of his cat on his phone.  I just want to go dance. 

when you've cornered, yes. What do you do to get out of that? Like you're talking to somebody. That's totally either dry, annoying.  You don't know you're the small talk. You just want to go over and have fun with other people in you're stuck in this purgatory with this person. husband one time was stuck with a person who talked about shoes, but 30 minutes and he's really polite. 

So he just, you just get to the end of the conversation. You try to get a word in edgewise, and then you're like, Nope. And you say, got to go to the bathroom. You say, got to get a refill. Just get away. But the person that. gets you in those positions? 

Yes. They don't. Pick up on clues, if I'm talking to somebody and they're looking over my shoulder, Yeah, I am the conversation immediately. Yeah. I think I got to go see you later. are those other things, like their posture, how they're standing. I'm like, okay, they're uncomfortable. We're starting to sweat. 

I'm annoying them or I'm frustrated.  It's it's a hundred percent other people that don't pick up. They don't pick up on it. And in your head is like, I just want to run.  You're smiling on the outside, on the inside. You're screaming. Oh,  . Shut up. geez.  I have another thing that always happens to me and I don't know why. Because.  I don't know if people just think that I care. Oh, yeah. 

We'll come up to me all the time, anywhere I go. People come up and they'll just start telling me their whole life story. Their whole life story.  They do it all the time to me just sitting in a waiting room, people will just like, oh, I have a challenge.  Yeah. The next time this happens. I want you to subtly take out your phone and start recording. 

Okay. I want to put it on the podcast. The other day I was at my daughter's house and they had a guy come to check their garage doors and give a quote for new  garage door and the garage door openers so I pull in and  

he actually thought maybe I was. The wife or something, he must have just talked to my son in law on the phone. So when he was talking to him, like, I don't live here.  I'm just  the grandma. And he started talking and telling me all about these garage doors. 

And then he got out the color swatches and I'm like, I really have no, I. Say in what the colors, , but he, I kept saying that and I'm in my car with the window down and he kept going on and on. And my granddaughter's in the backseat going, come on, girl.  then he started going on how, , he never lies and he has this business and he had diabetes and then he went through his whole. History of medical history. And I'm just sitting there going, oh,  He know you were retired.  

Sometimes the opening.  And these people will just start telling me their whole life stories. And I'm maybe, just too kind?  I'm going to say no.  

I just have that look like you can tell me I'm just going to be no, I I'm a very social person. And so. My problem is I'll ask somebody a question and then that opens the gate. That opens the gate.  I've been looking at your face, talking to you for four years.  Pretty open and friendly.  

Sue and I have this well. Our friends, we have this little, sign that we do to each other. So if somebody in our group starts telling the same thing over again, and you get the point, you take your hand and you make like a C towards them and you go, aha. Got it. Got it. Got it.  



Yeah. Yeah. 

Yeah. So it means like that voice. It goes in and it bounces right back at him and we don't want to listen.  Yeah. So I do that at parties a lot. Yeah.  Here's a funny story. My granddaughter, this, , morning, my daughter called and said that she woke up her daughter and she was talking to her and, , And my granddaughter's three. And she said. Mommy because she was tying to wake up, , she's trying to open those eyes and she's yawning. 

She's like mommy, there's a lot of alphabet words it was coming out of your mouth.  

Like shut up. Well, that's. I felt that party's a lot.  I would love to say I'm done. ,

my daughter has this great thing that she does. She's in college. And I've tried it. It's really funny. So, somebody's. Talking to, and you just want to get away. She'll moonwalk.  She'll  take her arms. 

in front of her and she'll kind of wave 'em. And then she like, moonwalks.  



That was her little escapism kind of thing.  I don't think we have to worry about many more parties like that. We don't have step now retired  they don't invite retire people really went. That'd be fun to go to  because all the filters of , left the building, the filters. For us, I am planning a caroling party for December 15th. 

So that's a thing.  Carol to people's houses. We're just going to a nursing home and. We'll have to coordinate all that. Like that. But it's all the people though that are participating in this party are probably old enough.

 To be in a nursing home themselves.  



I remember caroling in school, , as a kid and we'd go to nursing homes  and they love that. 

But when people come and Carrol to your house, it's so awkward.  

I'm like, look,  

some subpar singers are singing outside. I don't know what to do. You just stand there and smile.  

  📍  Uh,  

 At a party. 

were you like the work at the party, walking around. Talking to Where you like walk in, find your friends and hang with them in the whole night. were you the person that kind of just slunked by the food? 

 

 by tfoodone and just partake. 

There were all of those, all of the above. All of the above, depending on my mood. Kind of like to work the room at the beginning and then go to. do you remember I was there through my twenties, my thirties, my forties and fifties. When you're in your twenties, you're the party animal.  Did you start to have kids? 

You go to a party you're like, I am partying. And then you're 40%. Huh, I'm really tired. 

to. And he has a teacher and we talked her into it. She was retiring and  her initials at AAV and we talked her into dancing. On the table. Yeah.  She's very 

straight-laced. Yeah. 

So every once in a while, And they will surprise you. 

 Didn't you bring a date? 

Oh God.  Don't bring a date to a holiday party. 

Two holiday. I 

did him a while. 

no This kind of started dating and boy that talk about the gossip. Then after that, Um, everybody was crazy on that. So I spent the whole night worrying about what people were thinking or What they were saying. 

Actually. It wasn't that interested in them. 

But so many people said how great he was and they kept telling me how great he was, but I'm like, maybe I'm not seeing it. So then I ended up dating him for quite a long time. Yeah, he wasn't great. Because of people. 

I. I'll never told you he was great. I never did,  

 my friend.  Acquaintance. I think that the gossip that was happening right in front of your face. Yes. Can you believe? So I went to rock that Mersa yeah. They're just so loud.  

Because back in the back in the days before.  

Yeah, 

you could go to those parties and cut loose, but now everybody was recording. And I was recording a friend of ours. And she was talking about somebody who was standing right behind her. 

She's like, I hate him. I can't stay.  And he's right behind. I have a video. now people house up these videos, which then you should play it at. Yeah.  

These are the Monday. Apologies.  

I 

will never forget. I don't feel I needed to do a Monday apology, but this last awkward story. I always told fortunes. I called them. Third grade fortune telling when I was a child, I made up a way to tell people's fortunes. Right. And I was telling fortunes, and it's about. For possible people, you could be within your life. 

Right? 

It's four people. You can pick famous 

people. You can pick men, women doesn't matter. I don't care. And I tell the fortune, , will you have a happy life? You can ask the cards, questions, right. And this person that,  was  an awkward person. I was doing a fortune for his fiance and 

they were very young and. She had chosen a newly engaged. She had chosen three famous people and her fiance to be the four Kings. And what was like a green bay packer. And one was like, Tom cruise. And this person, the guy I'm just going to call him. Let's see.  Kelly Kelly. Kelly was getting agitated and was like, You're going to marry him. 

And he was unable to, he was so concrete in his thinking.  

terrible fight and they almost didn't get married because of my.  

And I had to go in and later down and go, you know, that this is all this silly and I made this game up in third grade. So that was, that was kind of a. 

Yeah. Thanks. Things would get a little out of control. Especially like the, night that,, I didn't realize that gummies had a little more. A little more power to them. The 

little gummy bears, 

gummy bears. 

You're talking about Hairabo?. 

Oh,  

how many. I mean, it was funny. Finally gummies.  

He said that was quite the wild night,  

that was the party that got so out of control. Everyone that there were so many Monday apology.  

That's all it was, it 

was. Yeah. Well, the funniest deal from that night was the quarter story. So 

no, the quarter story. So 

we got a little wild, got a lot of control,   I'm kind of a, two drink and done. 

So that was a little out of character for me.  

 

but , people have been playing all these quarters game. You only get roll it up, your nose? It was a different kind of.  And I don't know it. And so I went over and there was this big pile of quarters and our friend Marie was standing and she had kind of this low shirt and there was a pile of quarters. 

And I sat down to play for a while, but I didn't understand the game. So I kept taking the quarters and throwing them across it. 

You can violent when you're high.  

 

and she knew it. She. Oh, and so I just kept staying there and I threw and I just kept throwing quarters. at their shirt, which is ridiculous. To make 

money. 

So what gets really funny? Kept doing and then other people join in. I was just throwing quarters at it. So that night we got a little out of hand and so yes. Everybody ended up at my house. 

We had a slumber party.  

It was like eight people that spent the night at my house, maybe nine. Okay. We're all like laying on the floor, couches. Recliners, everything. And Marie was sleeping.  And she woke up in the morning.  

On the couch on the floor. And it gets. Funnier.  She went home. And she texted me later just because. I wanted to get in the shower. and all these quarters kept falling out! 

 She's really not that well, endowed that. 

impressive a good shot you.  Throwing. One superpower. I can. It any basket anywhere from like classroom , she was laughing. She goes. She had plenty of cores to pay for one. Whatever she needed, whatever. Whatever he needed. But they kept falling out of her.  

You're going to knock your eye out. 

Oh, those quarters. You're going to scratch.  Probably like 30, 40 quarters wow.

 She tucked in your shirt. So there was Lisa there's a line. And you cross it.  And then when there's a crop. And I'm like, you know, there's a thing. 

Some people say way below the line.  

Way. 

And with me, this is why I try not to worry too much because I, I will literally, if I know where the line is, I will go right to it. Down here below. Oh, yeah. Below the, oh yeah. I'm just saying, if you have the line, I'm going to surpass that line. Yeah. Some people say way above the line. That's what I meant to say. Not way below that some people say way up on the line. Yes. And they'll come down a little bit towards, but if you give me the line. I will go to it. 

Yeah. 

 But if I don't know where the line is, 

Then I'm 

only saying.  

Okay, 

well, how about ? We have this one party, I think, where you there was at  this old mansion, the Schlegelmilch House yeah.  

It was going to be the best party ever. Yes. Because we had this place. And that's where the 

pickle happened. 

The pickle that happened, but I will say, I thought for sure, that was going to be that, that magical unicorn moment where everything just came together, we had the potluck. Yeah, everybody brought something delicious. We had heartfelt gifts like the pickle and that was funny. Take for, I usually brought my meatballs, my famous meatballs. And those are the ones where you mix.  Apricots, preserves, and barbecue sauce. Yeah. Put them in a crock pot.  I might go to this 

too, is 

sloppy Joes.  

I don't cook. I always go buy, uh, a veggie tray. That's.  

It drives my family crazy.  like, why are you buying a veggie chip? My son, a couple weekends ago, we had a family thing and he came and I go our contributions of veggie tray. And I said, so we're just going to stop at Costco On the way down and buy it. He goes, mom, that's ridiculous. 

I literally can go to the store and get vegetables for like four bucks.  

Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, I don't want to deal with 

Nancy's. Go-to you remember a hundred percent?  Shrimping. She always brought a shrimp. I didn't 

know that. 

She brought us.  

She just tried to kill me, you know, I'm allergic to. Well, she wants to kill.  

To kill you and it would have been. Give it a jazz stuff. 

The party.    Okay. the one that was perfect at.   it's a German word. Is this person that drank out of the Coke can, and we talked about, he brought a whole ginormous watermelon to. To the party to a Christmas party. This appetizer. And we were in this mansion with no utensils and stuff. And I said, was he injected with vodka or anything? Not even fun. 

Like  a knife though.  

And I'm like, where do you get a watermelon in Wisconsin? In December and. But just set it on the table. 

Yeah, 

we didn't, he just took it home with him. So, I mean, that's not.  There wasn't a really bad story, but.  I don't know it's, uh, it is what it is. So there you have it. I think we've pretty much hit the highs, the lows. And everything in between.  



Loved them!. 

Love. On the holidays. I loved getting together with. We went to maybe 

50% of them. 

I planned probably 90% of them. And most of them are really lame and stupid. So 

which ones are your favorite? The ones that people's homes are the ones that 

I liked being at our friend's house, that was always fun because then you felt you were already kind of home. 

If he had to sleep in her bedroom or something. That was always a little bit better feeling. 

The 

people's houses 

where we're nice. 

Yeah. 

But, 



It's a lot of work for that person. And keep people out of sneaking into the bedrooms. 

Oh no, those are, those were college parties now.  

 

 I would say my favorite was probably the Schlegelmilch. And I think partially we had to be out of there by eight. And so then we all went. But we all went to a restaurant afterwards. That was super fun. We all went down and we had a huge table and. We just kept the party going. 

I 

think that was the one where one of our friends was going to leave and we were like, you can't leave. You have to stay with us. Yeah.  And then she said here and she put down a whole bunch of money and she said, I'll be back because I need to come back from my money. But she never came back. We joined our money. 

We bought a lot drinks.  

 📍  well you guys holiday parties. They're coming up. 

Yeah. Well, if you want to go somewhere where there's probably going to be. Glitter and everybody's  judging you. That's that's fine. I go to those 

holiday parties, , we hope we've made you laugh and maybe cringed a little too. If you've got a holiday party story that tops ours, and we want to hear from you, but we want to hear from you anyway. Please,   review or share or comment.  We are a 

new group of friends on threads. 

And I want to just shout out to you guys on threads. Threads is the most positive, fantastic space for people to share what they're thinking and feeling. It's, it's better than anything out there. because Facebook is a desert of nothingness and Instagram, I'm not cool enough for. any of Tik TOK and all that. 

So go to threads are threads people we want to say thank you to you. 

So join. Next time for more stories. Laughs and reminders of why retirement. It's such a beautiful thing. I love retirement. That's where 

we're headed. Yes. 

Until then keep that coffee hot. And the grading pens cap.

  

Everybody have a wonderful holidays we'll see you in 2025. Um, 20, 25 and we. Love you. Bye bye.  





 Thanks for listening to our podcast. We didn't know what we didn't know. We'll see you next time.